How to stay when you can’t leave

Courage doesn't always mean walking away.

I've been out working in the garden on a beautiful spring day, planting seeds and pondering an article I read earlier this morning. It got me thinking about what courage can look like when walking away isn’t actually an option.

The writer began by asking, “When does walking away from an organization transform from an act of resignation into a triumphant declaration of strength?” The writer immediately provided the answer: “The exact moment you decide that your self-worth, peace of mind, and dignity are non-negotiable.”

The writer went on to say, “What is not ok is sacrificing your worth for a place that does not recognise your value.” And that the “courage to leave often leads to the opportunity you deserve.”

In my pondering, my thoughts were with those, like many of my coaching clients, who are stuck in organisations that do not recognise their true value, and do not value their true worth.

My job as a coach is not to tell them that they should find the courage to leave. It is to ask questions so that they can decide for themselves what is the best way forward, given their particular circumstances. After all, they know their context best.

In today’s economic climate, many people are stuck. Think of Wellington, which has lost huge numbers of jobs through the reduction of the public service. Jobs are now very hard to come by.

My clients have families, elderly parents to look after, or numerous other circumstances that mean they are not able to risk giving up their jobs to give the finger to an organisation that they feel has treated them badly, in the hope that they will find something else.

This is not a lack of courage on their part. In fact, I think it may require more courage to stay and work through how to thrive and continue to grow and develop in an organisation that is treating you badly.

Many of my clients cannot just drop everything. To tell them they lack courage because they are not prepared to walk away is to misunderstand both their circumstances and what courage can look like.

Sometimes courage is leaving. Sometimes it is staying — at least for now — while you work out how to protect your wellbeing, hold on to your sense of worth, and keep your future possibilities open.

And sometimes courage is refusing to let an organisation’s failure to recognise your value become the story you tell yourself about your own worth.

That is where I think coaching can be so valuable. Not by telling someone what they should do, but by creating the space to pause, think clearly, explore what matters, and consider what is within their influence. Coaching often comes back to the Serenity Prayer.

The question isn't always, “Do I have the courage to leave?” But “What does courage look like for me, given my circumstances?”

What does it look like for you?